Happiness Plateau

Today I had an interesting conversation with my husband. I told him that lately I've been feeling sort of, well....blah. I'm happy with my life but I keep feeling like 'so you're happy, now what?' It's like a happiness plateau.  I've tried hard to ignore it because the feeling doesn't seem to add up. I'm the most fulfilled I have been in a very long time. I've got a great job that I thoroughly enjoy. I finally started my blog. I've got the free time I've been craving to spend with friends and family. We finally started re-decorating our house. For all practical purposes, I finally have a "normal" life.

So what's the problem??!!

Well first let me confess that I still don't know, but I've boiled it down as best I can to a few things.

• I'm used to having a certain amount of drama in my life. I'm not talking Jerry Springer here. I mean crises. I'm used to constantly having to juggle the various dilemmas of balancing work and family and I don't really have that problem now.
• Maybe I'm getting the proverbial "itch". You know, maybe I'm getting the m...ma..maternal instinct. There! I said it. 
• Maybe the world's gonna end in 2012.....*crickets*...bwahahaha!

Okay, seriously! Like I said I don't have it all figured out. In an attempt not to jinx myself I will only say this. Reaching a life plateau can be a valuable thing. It has given me the time to examine, analyze and revisit several areas of my life. Living a drama free life can be uncomfortable in a culture that craves and celebrates drama and crises. When you reach a plateau period in life, there can be a tendency to undermine its value and incite drama because that's a comfort zone. The best advice I have to give is when you reach a fresh, sunny, quiet place in life, sit still a while and take it all in.

Unapologetically Me

I often hear from people who seem to view me as some sort of anomaly -- an exception to the rule. While I find it flattering, it often makes me wonder what exactly it is that sets me apart from the crowd.

For starters, I never try intentionally to stray from the beaten path. Seeing others with the ability to assimilate quietly and fly under the radar in a crowd has always been a trait I secretly envied. I mean, it's not always easy to be the girl who sticks out like a sore thumb. I often feel that my action an thus, my life are under close scrutiny. However, I've long since abandoned any hope of living incognito and have committed to being the somewhat mysterious, eclectic, lady of intrigue, unapologetic in my quest to learn and be more.

As with any decision, there are pros and cons. Here are a few:

• I've got a pretty interesting story to share with my kids and grandkids one day.
• By daring to dream, I've gotten the opportunity to see many of my dreams realized. I can't imagine living a hopeless, stagnant life.
• I have an awesome group of friends, family and supporters who cheer me on and are inspired by my vision. Having cheerleaders is a real motivator to keep it movin'!

And then again,

• It's not always easy to convince the people who care about me that the choices I make in life will all work out in the end.
• Being different is hard work! Being Miss Understood is a daily occurence.
• Committing to being a non-conventionalist takes a lot of discipline and constant introspection. Trust me, the picture is not always pretty!

In a nutshell, I feel incredibly grateful to be a part of what I feel is a very special group of people in the universe.

Other-Smothered

My mom always likes to recount how industrious I was as a child. She says my first "business venture" involved me picking flowers out of the neighbors yard and then knocking on their doors to sell those same flowers back to them. At the time, it seemed like a good idea.

When I was 19 and wanted to add some income to supplement my minimum-wage-paying job, I purchased a 100 piece lot of jewelry  from a friend of mine and resold it at a 300% markup. It worked! I started successfully selling jewelry pieces to friends and family, at local hair shows, flea markets, city fairs and even had a Peddler's License. I could smell a sale from a mile away. I was, by all accounts, winning!

Eventually I opened a street corner store front. No really!! I was on a street corner with literally all of my inventory sprawled out on one of those 8x8 fold up tables you get from Walmart.  I even hired a security guard to stand watch during my street corner transactions. One night some friends spotted me and pulled over. "Giirrrl, why you out here hustlin' and stuff?" they asked. "You get kicked out?" "Girl, you need a ride?"

Here I was with a vision, a fully executed plan, a license, and $600 in so-called "hustle" money. So what did I do? I packed up the remainder of my inventory, paid my security guard, packed my trunk and drove off crying my eyes out. I was humiliated that my peers would think about me this way. None of what they'd said was true and yet it brought my vision crashing down and I let it completely transform my plan, my business.

Now I look back and realize that I still occasionally fall victim to other-smothering. There are still times when my fear of public reaction and disdain get the better of my logic. I've been sidetracked more than once by a hyper-consciousness of other's reactions to my unconventional approach. But I've learned that it takes a type of bold obliviousness to others reactions and with the best of intentions our peers can often project their own fears on to us. My advice is to flee from all signs of dream-tampering and pursue your visions boldly and diligently.