Power in the Pooch

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I'm pretty sure my reason for not committing to a particular blogging schedule is due to my inability to commit to any one hobby for very long without jumping to something new and different. 'Tis the life of a perpetual dreamer, even though I pray I'll soon grow out of it. Lately, I have been uncharacteristically low key. I've taken a break from the organic pops business I started last summer. I haven't taken on any new projects in almost 6 months much to the chagrin of several usually very convincing friends. In other words, ain't nothing up but the rent!

My paradigm has shifted. I am faced with the new and beautiful truth that I am now the warden for a little person who has completely taken over what used to be my body. As a result I have become very particular about the energy I expend on almost everything. I want him to have the best of me, not just the leftovers. So as his little body grows by leaps and bounds daily, and I in turn watch mine do the same, I've adopted a more domestic routine if you will. I cook more now than I have for my husband in the last 3 years. I do more cleaning around the house. My husband and I have more time at home together which I am so grateful for. I'm home almost everyday and don't leave until it's time to go to work or unless groceries or baby goods are needed. It's really quite a respite from my usual impulsive, compulsive, sometimes begrudging habit of being involved in too many things at one time. In spite of it all, I still find myself feeling that my life is somehow boring and uneventful and that I should be out there doing something with myself--guilt.

Practically speaking, I know that my body is definitely working for two. The rest I never thought I needed before can't come quickly enough these days. I crave the quiet and peace of hearing his heartbeat and of feeling baby tickles and wiggles all throughout the day. Somehow I still feel that I should be doing more. I wonder what type of example I'm creating for my growing boy and pray he won't be a lazy and lethargic little person. I pray he'll take the world by storm and show it what he's made of. But then again I am glad that I'm not overextended and worn out by my own self. Friends and family encourage my rest and say that I'll wish I had even more of it after he's born. I can't imagine wanting to sleep more than I do now though.

It all just makes me wonder if I'll ever have the drive I once had once my son is born. Maybe it's a growth that should be expected. Maybe I'll be one of those moms who wait til their kids are "out of school" before pursuing dreams that got put off long ago. That idea seems foreign and unlikely but I won't underestimate the power that a love as deep as parenthood can wield.

"Sometimes" and other exercises in futility

It's funny how creative types stand in the way of their own ability to create. What's funnier are the excuses and stories we create around the reasons for a lack of action. I began this blog with an honest but insincere preface of not wanting to commit to a certain posting schedule because my creative energies might lead me elsewhere. That was...bullshit! I didn't want the pressure of having to commit myself to a specific posting schedule because sometimes I'm lazy. Sometimes I'm self absorbed. And because sometimes I'm off somewhere rolling around in the self-inflicted drama of my life.

Had I been honest, I would have said: "Sometimes, instead of creating stuff, I just like to think about it. Instead of creating stuff, sometimes I like to imagine I did because I thought about it. Instead of creating stuff, a lot of times I like to live vicariously through my favorite authors and artists and tell myself that since discipline comes with age I'll be a creative old fart one day."

Sometimes the answer isn't in planning or envisioning or thinking or practicing. It's in doing and being and creating and realizing that sometimes is a cop-out!

Happiness Plateau

Today I had an interesting conversation with my husband. I told him that lately I've been feeling sort of, well....blah. I'm happy with my life but I keep feeling like 'so you're happy, now what?' It's like a happiness plateau.  I've tried hard to ignore it because the feeling doesn't seem to add up. I'm the most fulfilled I have been in a very long time. I've got a great job that I thoroughly enjoy. I finally started my blog. I've got the free time I've been craving to spend with friends and family. We finally started re-decorating our house. For all practical purposes, I finally have a "normal" life.

So what's the problem??!!

Well first let me confess that I still don't know, but I've boiled it down as best I can to a few things.

• I'm used to having a certain amount of drama in my life. I'm not talking Jerry Springer here. I mean crises. I'm used to constantly having to juggle the various dilemmas of balancing work and family and I don't really have that problem now.
• Maybe I'm getting the proverbial "itch". You know, maybe I'm getting the m...ma..maternal instinct. There! I said it. 
• Maybe the world's gonna end in 2012.....*crickets*...bwahahaha!

Okay, seriously! Like I said I don't have it all figured out. In an attempt not to jinx myself I will only say this. Reaching a life plateau can be a valuable thing. It has given me the time to examine, analyze and revisit several areas of my life. Living a drama free life can be uncomfortable in a culture that craves and celebrates drama and crises. When you reach a plateau period in life, there can be a tendency to undermine its value and incite drama because that's a comfort zone. The best advice I have to give is when you reach a fresh, sunny, quiet place in life, sit still a while and take it all in.

Unapologetically Me

I often hear from people who seem to view me as some sort of anomaly -- an exception to the rule. While I find it flattering, it often makes me wonder what exactly it is that sets me apart from the crowd.

For starters, I never try intentionally to stray from the beaten path. Seeing others with the ability to assimilate quietly and fly under the radar in a crowd has always been a trait I secretly envied. I mean, it's not always easy to be the girl who sticks out like a sore thumb. I often feel that my action an thus, my life are under close scrutiny. However, I've long since abandoned any hope of living incognito and have committed to being the somewhat mysterious, eclectic, lady of intrigue, unapologetic in my quest to learn and be more.

As with any decision, there are pros and cons. Here are a few:

• I've got a pretty interesting story to share with my kids and grandkids one day.
• By daring to dream, I've gotten the opportunity to see many of my dreams realized. I can't imagine living a hopeless, stagnant life.
• I have an awesome group of friends, family and supporters who cheer me on and are inspired by my vision. Having cheerleaders is a real motivator to keep it movin'!

And then again,

• It's not always easy to convince the people who care about me that the choices I make in life will all work out in the end.
• Being different is hard work! Being Miss Understood is a daily occurence.
• Committing to being a non-conventionalist takes a lot of discipline and constant introspection. Trust me, the picture is not always pretty!

In a nutshell, I feel incredibly grateful to be a part of what I feel is a very special group of people in the universe.

The Law of Attraction + Action = Utter Satisfaction

I'm an eclectic or an eccentric or whatever the latest fancy description they're using for creative types these days. I've always been this way. The one thing that can really kill the creative spirit is being a part of a hostile, dream-killing environment--one that suppresses rather than nurtures new ideas. In the past, I  attracted some less than stellar working environments; in part because I couldn't imagine what it would be like to work for a company I adored and also because I wasn't quite sure what I wanted out of a company. So I came up with the following list that I thought might help me to attract my dream company.

Career Must Haves:

• Must offer cross-departmental training
• Must love diversity
• Must be service-oriented
• Must offer fairly flexible hours
• Must be innovative
• Must be a friendly environment for creative types

I decided to put this new method of attraction to the test during my most recent job search and about 2 weeks later I received an email of a job posting that blew my mind! It was an ideal match based on all of my newly affirmed requirements. It was like divine intervention. Here I was receiving what felt like a message from the Almighty saying that its okay to have vision and clarity of mission.

BUT!!! It wasn't receiving the word on this cool and hip new job that helped me to land it! Getting a job with my dream employer required swift, decisive and determined action on my part. I couldn't just want it, I had to go for it! I didn't just do the regular resume upload, cliche cover letter and click send. I literally sold myself and in turn required that the company sell itself to me.

I am now happily employed with a company that makes its people its mission, both in word and deed. It embraces diversity, offers flexibility and is perhaps the most innovative company I've ever even read about. Oh and by the way, not only does it cross-train its employees, it encourages and rewards its employees for engaging in professional development opportunities.

I can't say that it was just the Law of Attraction that brought me to my dream job; rather, it was both the combination of clarifying my vision and deciding to go for the goal that made all the difference.

Resources for Individuals: Idealist.com/blog
Resources for Companies: All In by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton